The Day I Had to Face What I'd Been Avoiding
The bills sat on my kitchen table. I walked past them every day. Sometimes twice. I knew exactly which envelopes were there. I could feel their weight even when I wasn't looking at them. But I couldn't make myself open them. Not yet. Not today. Tomorrow, I'd tell myself. I'll deal with it tomorrow.
Until I was sitting in that lawyer's office… again.
The second bankruptcy was worse than the first.
Not because of the money. Not because of the shame.
But because I knew better.
I was a life coach. I'd been treasurer at school, in clubs, managed other people's money with ease. I helped people work through their problems.
And yet when it came to my own finances? I was avoiding everything until it all fell apart... for the second time.
Sitting across from that lawyer, I couldn't even look him in the eye. This was supposed to be the thing that never happened twice. The thing you learn from. The wake-up call that changes everything. But here I was. Same office. Same forms. Same sick feeling in my stomach.
Being there for the second time, I couldn't use the same excuses. The first bankruptcy? Sure, I could blame the economy. Bad luck. Circumstances outside my control.
But the second time? I had to face the truth about what was going on with me deep down.
I wasn't running from my finances because I didn't know how to manage money.
I was running from them because I was terrified of facing how bad things really were.
As long as I didn't look at my bank balance, I could tell myself it wasn't that bad yet, that everything was okay.
I could dodge the shame. The fear. The reality that I was failing at something I should be able to handle.
Avoidance doesn't make things disappear. It just makes them worse.
And by the time I finally looked, it was too late. The late fees had piled up. The accounts had gone to collections. The damage I'd been so afraid to see had become ten times worse because I'd waited.
What Avoiding Everything Is Really Costing You
Maybe you're not avoiding your finances.
Maybe you're avoiding:
- A difficult conversation you know you need to have
- A health issue you keep telling yourself isn't that bad
- A relationship that's slowly dying because you won't address what's wrong
- A career decision you're terrified to make
- A dream you keep putting off because you're afraid it won't work
Whatever it is, you know you should deal with it.
And yet you don't.
Not because you don't care. Not because you're lazy.
But because avoiding everything feels safer than facing what scares you.
Here's what avoiding everything is actually costing you:
The problem gets worse while you wait. The conversation becomes harder. The health issue becomes serious. The relationship deteriorates beyond repair. The opportunity passes. The dream dies.
You lose trust in yourself. Every day you put it off is another day you prove to yourself that you can't handle hard things. Another day you reinforce the belief that you're not capable.
The weight of what you're ignoring follows you everywhere. You can't relax. You can't be present. Because in the back of your mind, you know. And that knowing sits on you like a boulder.
You waste energy managing the not-looking instead of solving the problem. You're making excuses, crafting explanations, staying one step ahead of getting caught. All that energy could have solved the actual problem in half the time.
You risk losing everything.
Not because you're incapable. But because you waited too long to look.
The problem gets worse while you wait.
The conversation becomes harder. The health issue becomes serious. The relationship deteriorates beyond repair. The opportunity passes. The dream dies.
You lose trust in yourself. Every day you put it off is another day you prove to yourself that you can't handle hard things. Another day you reinforce the belief that you're not capable.
The weight of what you're ignoring follows you everywhere. You can't relax. You can't be present. Because in the back of your mind, you know. And that knowing sits on you like a boulder.
You waste energy managing the not-looking instead of solving the problem. You're making excuses, crafting explanations, staying one step ahead of getting caught. All that energy could have solved the actual problem in half the time.
You risk losing everything. Not because you're incapable. But because you waited too long to look.
I know this because it happened to me. Twice.
Avoidance doesn't protect you.
It just delays the inevitable while making everything worse.
I Ruined Everything By Not Facing It
If you've ever thought this about yourself, I totally get it.
I've been there. Twice.
And the shame of it is almost unbearable.
Because you're smart. You're capable. You've handled hard things before.
So why can't you handle this?
Why do you keep putting off something until the consequences become catastrophic?
You're not running the thing itself. You're running what facing it would force you to feel.
For me, it wasn't about the numbers in my bank account.
It was about the shame of not having my finances together. The fear of admitting I was failing at something I should be able to do. The terror of facing just how bad things really were.
The bills sat on my kitchen table. I walked past them every day.
I knew they were there.
I just couldn't make myself open them.
(And before you think I'm some kind of financial disaster waiting to happen, let me remind you - I was the treasurer for schools and clubs. Other people's money? No problem. Mine? Couldn’t face it until I lost everything.)
As long as I didn't look, I didn't have to feel those things.
But by the time I finally looked? Everything had already collapsed.
What You're Really Running From
You're not running the task. You're running the emotions that come with it.
- The shame of admitting you're struggling
- The fear of finding out it's worse than you thought
- The guilt of letting it get this bad
- The grief of what you've lost by waiting
- The terror of not knowing if you can fix it
Not looking feels like protection. It feels like if you don't look, it can't hurt you.
But it does hurt you. Every single day.
I Kept Waiting Until It Was Too Late
Because you saw it coming. You KNEW you should deal with it.
And yet you couldn't make yourself do it.
Not until the crisis forced you. Not until you had no choice.
And by then, the cost was everything.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Your brain was protecting you the only way it knew how. By keeping you away from the pain.
The problem is, not facing it doesn't eliminate pain. It just postpones it. And compounds it.
You're not running from the thing.
You're running the feeling.
And your brain thinks that's keeping you safe, even when it's destroying everything you care about.
What My Two Bankruptcies Taught Me About Procrastination
Procrastination isn't about poor time management. It's not about discipline or willpower.
It's avoidance.
When what you're facing feels too uncomfortable, whether that's shame, fear, grief, terror, or just the awkwardness of a hard conversation, your brain will let you lose everything rather than make you feel it.
The thing you're ignoring doesn't go away because you're not looking at it.
Why Running Feels Safer Than Facing It
Your brain is wired to dodge pain. That's not a bug. That's a feature.
When something feels emotionally overwhelming, your brain does what it's designed to do. Protect you from it.
Which would be great, except your brain can't tell the difference between physical danger and emotional discomfort.
So, when facing your finances feels as threatening as facing a bear, your brain treats them the same way…
Avoid at all costs.
Unfortunately, while dodging a bear keeps you safe. Ignoring your finances destroys your life.
Your brain doesn't know the difference.
That's why you can be smart, capable, and competent in every other area of your life and still completely unable to face this one thing.
It's not weakness. It's protection. Misguided, costly protection, but protection nonetheless.
If this hits close to home, maybe it’s time to talk it through with someone who gets it.
You don’t have to keep doing this on your own.
Click here to book a FREE call.
It might help you see what's really going on underneath the stuck.
How to Stop Before It's Too Late
I can't undo my two bankruptcies. But I can share what I learned so you don't have to lose everything to figure this out.
Name What You're Afraid Of
The thing you're running isn't the real problem. The emotion underneath it is.
Ask yourself: "What am I afraid of if I face this?"
- Shame that I let it get this bad?
- Fear that it's worse than I thought?
- Grief over what I've already lost?
- Terror that I won't be able to fix it?
Once you name the emotion and what you're really afraid of, it loses some of its power.
STEP 1 - Name What You're Afraid Of
The thing you're running isn't the real problem. The emotion underneath it is.
Ask yourself: "What am I afraid of if I face this?"
- Shame that I let it get this bad?
- Fear that it's worse than I thought?
- Grief over what I've already lost?
- Terror that I won't be able to fix it?
Once you name the emotion and what you're really afraid of, it loses some of its power.
Face It in the Smallest Possible Dose
Instead of:
"I need to look at my entire financial situation."
Try:
"I'm going to open one bank statement. Just one."
Instead of:
"I need to have the hard conversation."
Try:
"I'm going to say one sentence. Just to start."
Small doses make big things manageable. And manageable things don't trigger the freeze response.
STEP 2 - Face It in the Smallest Possible Dose
Instead of:
"I need to look at my entire financial situation."
Try:
"I'm going to open one bank statement. Just one."
Instead of:
"I need to have the hard conversation."
Try:
"I'm going to say one sentence. Just to start."
Small doses make big things manageable. And manageable things don't trigger the freeze response.
Expect It to Be Uncomfortable (And Face It Anyway)
The goal isn't to make the discomfort go away. The goal is to feel it and move forward anyway.
Because on the other side of that discomfort? Relief. Clarity. The ability to actually solve the problem.
STEP 3 - Expect It to Be Uncomfortable (And Face It Anyway)
The goal isn't to make the discomfort go away. The goal is to feel it and move forward anyway.
Because on the other side of that discomfort? Relief. Clarity. The ability to actually solve the problem.
Get Support and Forgive Yourself
Before you face what you've been running from:
- Tell someone you trust what you're about to do
- Ask someone to sit with you while you open the document, make the call, have the conversation
- Hire a coach or therapist who can help you process what comes up
- Say this to yourself: "I ran from this because I was scared. That doesn't make me bad. It makes me human. And I'm ready to face it now."
You don't have to be brave by yourself. And needing support doesn't mean you're weak.
Forgiveness doesn't erase the consequences. But it makes facing them possible.
STEP 4 - Get Support and Forgive Yourself
Before you face what you've been running from:
- Tell someone you trust what you're about to do
- Ask someone to sit with you while you open the document, make the call, have the conversation
- Hire a coach or therapist who can help you process what comes up
- Say this to yourself: "I ran from this because I was scared. That doesn't make me bad. It makes me human. And I'm ready to face it now."
You don't have to be brave by yourself. And needing support doesn't mean you're weak.
Forgiveness doesn't erase the consequences. But it makes facing them possible.
Pro Tip ~~
Running isn't the problem.
Staying stuck is.
The moment you face it (even just the first small step), you take your power back.
What Changes When You Finally Face It
I can't tell you my life magically fixed itself after I faced my finances.
It didn't.
But here's what did change:
- I stopped carrying the weight of what I'd been running from.
- I stopped lying awake at night, replaying the same anxious loop.
- I stopped hating myself for being too scared to look.
- And most importantly: I started trusting myself again.
Not because I fixed everything overnight. But because I proved to myself that I could face hard things. Even when I was terrified.
Imagine:
- Opening the email you've been dreading, and surviving it
- Having the energy to solve the problem instead of spending it all on hiding
- Trusting yourself to handle hard things
You don't become fearless. You become someone who feels the fear and faces it anyway.
And that's the shift that saves everything.
Action Step ~~
Right now, think of one thing you've been putting off.
Ask yourself: "What am I afraid I'll feel if I face this?"
Write down your answer.
Then ask: "What's one tiny step I can take today to face it, just a little bit?"
Not the whole thing. Just the first small step.
Open the email. Make the appointment. Start the conversation with one sentence.
You don't have to fix it today. You just have to face it.
That's how you stop avoiding before it costs you everything.
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